Forgive me
by Antonia Rose
Summary: Obi-Wan has been Qui-Gon's Padawan for a year now. But Qui-Gon is unwilling to get too close to Obi-Wan, leaving him doubting himself and his place as Qui-Gon's Padawan. Will Qui-Gon realise what is going on before it's too late? Set during JA (slightly AU)
1. Prologue

Forgive me

Prologue

It had been almost a year since Qui-Gon Jinn had excepted Obi-Wan Kenobi as his Padawan learner. After what happened with his last Padawan, Qui-Gon made it very clear to the council that he didn't want another one. Somehow though his long-time friend Mace Windu and Master Yoda had convinced him to take Obi-Wan on.

He wasn't happy about it but he agreed to train the boy as best he could. However, he was reluctant to let Obi-Wan into his heart. He had learned his lesson. And he was determined not to make the same mistakes.

To Qui-Gon's surprise though he quickly became very comfortable with Obi-Wan as his Padawan. He was quiet and calm, he paid attention, he didn't argue with him, he was ahead in all his studies and he never asked anything of him. At first, he thought it was a bit odd, but he quickly dismissed it and accepted that that was simply how Obi-Wan was. And he was glad about it, the last thing he needed was a needy Padawan constantly begging for his attention.

Obi-Wan stood in front of the door to the apartment he shared with his Master. He looked at it as if considering whether or not to enter. He always dreaded coming back to the apartment at the end of the day. It wasn't that he didn't like Master Jinn, more that Master Jinn didn't like him. He was so happy when he was finally accepted by a Jedi Master. He had been so afraid that no one would. So, he was determined to be the best Padawan he could be. And to be Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan was truly an honour.

But as it seemed he couldn't do anything right. His Master never praised him, or told him that he had done a good job, hell, he didn't even smile at him. Was he such a bad apprentice? Recently he had started to wonder whether he should just give up. He used to be so sure that he would become a Jedi Knight, but now he wasn't anymore. It had been a year now and he still wasn't any closer to getting Master Jinn to like him. All the other Padawans had great relationships with their Masters, why couldn't he?

With a sigh, he finally opened the door. What he saw was exactly what he expected to see. His Master was sitting on the sofa looking at his data pad. He didn't even look up as Obi-Wan entered. "Good evening Master" Obi-Wan said with a slight bow, knowing full well that Qui-Gon couldn't see it. "Good evening" Qui-Gon responded, still not looking up. Knowing that he wouldn't get much else from him, Obi-Wan made his way to his room, he put the data pad he was holding on his desk and then walked into the fresher to take a shower.

Obi-Wan looked at his reflection in the mirror. He noticed the rings that were beginning to form under his eyes and sighed "I should probably stop revising so late into the night" he said to himself. He then turned his attention to the long thin braid hanging down to his shoulder. He ran his fingers down it, smiling slightly. He was a Padawan, he was Qui-Gon's Padawan. It didn't matter that Qui-Gon wasn't proud, that he didn't like him, that he didn't want to get to know him. It's OK, Qui-Gon was there to train him, not love him and that's what he was doing. And one day he'll be a Jedi and he would be happy.

Obi-Wan's face dropped. Happy? Would he be happy?

He was pulled from his thoughts as he heard Qui-Gon call for him. With one last look in the mirror he made his way to the kitchen where his Master was already waiting for him. Obi-Wan sat down and waited for Qui-Gon to start eating before starting himself. They ate in silence, as usual. Obi-Wan had gotten used to the silence and he knew better that to start a conversation. So, he just sat there and ate, hoping that his Master would say something like he occasionally did.

To his surprise today was one of those days.

Qui-Gon was lost in thought. He was absentmindedly eating whilst trying to think of how best to plead his case to the council tomorrow. He decided to briefly turn his attention to his Padawan though. "How was your day?" He asked. He realised that the question sounded a bit formal and distant, but Obi-Wan smiled non-the less. "Good." Obi-Wan wished he could've said more but there really wasn't much to tell. Qui-Gon however seemed satisfied with his answer and turned his attention back to his thoughts before Obi-Wan could ask in return.

After they had finished eating Obi-Wan took the plates and washed up before following his Master into the living room. Obi-Wan noticed that Qui-Gon seemed troubled. He was probably still thinking about the council meeting he had tomorrow. Feeling that he ought to do something he took a deep breath and cautiously spoke up. "Master?" Qui-Gon was pulled from his thoughts and turned to his Padawan who stood awkwardly to the side.

He was frustrated because he couldn't seem to think, he was nowhere near being ready for the council, and the meeting was tomorrow. Clearly that frustration was showing because Obi-Wan tensed as he turned to face him.

Determined to continue despite his Masters frustration, Obi-Wan took another deep breath. "You seem troubled Master. Perhaps I can help you with something" Obi-Wan regretted his words as soon as he had said them. He knew better. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?

Qui-Gon looked a bit taken aback. He looked troubled? He was glad that Obi-Wan would offer his help, but there really wasn't anything he could do. "That won't be necessary. You have homework to do" Qui-Gon said as he started to turn away from Obi-Wan again. "I don't actually, I really could help…" Obi-Wan continued, kicking himself because he knew Qui-Gon was dismissing him.

"No" Qui-Gon said more harshly than he had intended. He was tired and frustrated about the council meeting. He knew Obi-Wan would understand. He ran his hands tiredly across his face "What help could you possibly be? All I need is some peace and quiet so I can concentrate. Why don't you go to bed Obi-Wan?" He said and then turned his attention back to his thoughts and didn't see Obi-Wan's face as he said "Of course, sorry. Good night Master"

Obi-Wan didn't wait for a response before hurrying to his room and closing the door behind him. He immediately fell onto his bed and started crying. He felt so foolish. Why did he have to go and do that? He was such an idiot. Why did he think he could possibly be of any use to Qui-Gon? He was useless and didn't deserve to be a Padawan. And now he was crying about it like a child. "Maybe it would be better if I just died" he whispered to himself.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The next morning Qui-Gon crossed the living room and made his way towards the kitchen. He had 2 hours before he would have to make his way to the council for his meeting. He arrived at the kitchen expecting to see Obi-Wan having breakfast as usual. But Obi-Wan wasn't there. Qui-Gon frowned and then sighed as he realised that his Padawan had most likely overslept.

Qui-Gon turned and walked back out of the kitchen towards Obi-Wan's room. Just before he reached it though the door swung open and Obi-Wan appeared. He ran straight into Qui-Gon and was knocked clean of his feet, landing hard on the floor. Qui-Gon looked down at the boy lying on the floor, he looked a bit dazed as if he couldn't quite understand where he was. Suddenly his expression changed and he looked at Qui-Gon with embarrassment and disbelief. He looked like he had just done something unforgivable, Qui-Gon thought to himself.

He watched as his Padawan scrambled to his feet, without once looking Qui-Gon in the eye. "I'm sorry Master, please forgive me" Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan. Had he hurt himself? Why had he overslept? Was something wrong? He was going to ask those questions but before he could he saw what time it was. "You're going to be late" he simply said, there would be time to ask him later.

Obi-Wan glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry Master I didn't mean to…" and then with a slight bow, he left.

Was it just him or did Obi-Wan seem upset? And he could have sworn that his voice had cracked at the end of that last sentence. Qui-Gon shook his head. "He's just tired" he thought to himself. He had more important things to worry about.

Qui-Gon's meeting with the council had gone well for once. Surprisingly the entire council had completely agreed with him. It was a strange feeling, Qui-Gon thought. Now that it was over he felt like he had worried about it more than was necessary.

He contently made his way down the hall. Knowing that Obi-Wan wouldn't be back from his classes for a while he decided he would go to the garden and meditate. He stopped though when he found a young girl about Obi-Wan's age blocking his path. She looked a bit nervous but spoke anyway. "Master Jinn?" She asked. Qui-Gon nodded and she started tugging at her sleeve nervously. "Is Obi-Wan alright?" she finally asked. Obi-Wan? Qui-Gon looked confused and frowned. "Why shouldn't he be?" The girl immediately stopped playing with her sleeve and looked stunned. "Didn't you get Master Shian's message?"

Qui-Gon thought for a moment and then realised that he had turned his commlink of, so he wouldn't be disturbed during the council meeting. And he hadn't been back to the apartment so he couldn't have seen any messages. Qui-Gon shook his head. "What happened?" His voice carried its usual calm tone, but in reality, his mind was going through every possible thing that could've happened to Obi-Wan, getting worse with each one.

The girl started tugging at her sleeve again, she clearly hadn't expected to have to tell Qui-Gon what had happened. She took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to, I swear" She blurted out before composing herself and starting at the beginning.

"We had 'saber practice with Master Shian. Obi-Wan and I were paired up to practice duelling. I thought he seemed a bit… I don't know, upset I suppose, he said he was fine though, so we started the duel." "Dammit I should've known something was wrong this morning" Qui-Gon thought, mentally kicking himself. "Obi-Wan is usually top of the class but today he seemed distracted. So, I took my chance to win for once…"

The girl's gaze dropped to the floor before continuing "I think I pushed him too hard Master Jinn, he flew back further than I expected him to and he landed on his back and…" again the girl paused and Qui-Gon started to get a bit irritated "and?" he asked. The girl's gaze snapped back up to meet Qui-Gon's. "I… He just started crying Master Jinn… I called Master Shian and he asked Obi-Wan what hurt but he wouldn't say."

"He calmed down a bit and we helped him to his feet. Master Shian then asked me to take Obi-Wan to the healers so I did. When we got there, I apologised again but he said it wasn't my fault and that he was OK. So, I went back to Master Shian's class and he said that you hadn't answered your commlink so he left you a message…"

Having finished her story, she just looked at Qui-Gon waiting for a reaction. Qui-Gon was very confused and worried now, however he still didn't show it. Qui-Gon just nodded in understanding. "So, he's at the healer's wing?" Qui-Gon asked. The girl seemed to think about it. "I'm not sure actually, he might have already gone back to your apartment" Qui-Gon nodded again. "Thank you for telling me" he finally said. The girl gave him a slight bow and turned to leave. "Wait. How long ago did this happen?" he asked her. She turned again to face him "about half an hour, I think" and then she started walking, leaving Qui-Gon where he stood.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Qui-Gon tried reaching his Padawan through their bond but hit a brick wall. Obi-Wan kept fairly strong shields, Qui-Gon knew that, but this was a whole new level. Not sure where to go, he decided to try the healer's wing first. If it were really bad, that's where he would be. Satisfied with his reasoning Qui-Gon started walking. It took him less than 5 minutes to reach the healer's wing and he asked the first healer he saw whether Obi-Wan was still there. The healer looked a bit puzzled. "Obi-Wan Kenobi?" the healer asked and Qui-Gon nodded. The man shook his head "I haven't seen him in a while and he definitely wasn't here today" Qui-Gon frowned "I must have been misinformed, thank you for your time" with a slight bow he left the healer's wing and found himself standing in the hall again.

Qui-Gon wasn't sure what to do. He was fairly sure that the girl hadn't lied to him and the healer was clearly telling the truth as well. So, what was going on?

Qui-Gon started to walk towards his apartment when he suddenly felt Obi-Wan's shield's falter. Obi-Wan was in immense pain, he could feel it but it seemed faint and far away. Panicking Qui-Gon started to run but stopped in his tracks as he sensed Obi-Wan's force signature coming from the roof. "What the hell is he doing on the roof?" Qui-Gon panted. Turning on the spot, he started running in the opposite direction towards the stairs to take him to the roof. As he ran he ignored all the stares and cries of complaint he got.

He arrived on the roof panting and just stared for a moment at what he saw. Obi-Wan was kneeling on the floor, he back turned to Qui-Gon, staring out across the busy city of Coruscant, the midday sunlight reflecting off the tall skyscrapers. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Obi-Wan said without turning, his voice was quiet but Qui-Gon heard him clearly. "Obi-Wan what are you doing up here?" Obi-Wan didn't say anything for a while and Qui-Gon took that time to take a few more steps towards the boy.

"I knew I would be alone here" he finally said. "Obi-Wan, you're in pain, I can feel it, let me take you to…" "You have no idea!" Obi-Wan cried. His voice laced with pain and the slightest hint of resignation. Qui-Gon was stunned, Obi-Wan had never broken him off midsentence before, never mind yell at him. "Obi-Wan." He said firmly "Turn around". Obi-Wan simply shook his head. "Padawan. Let me help you. Turn around" he said in his best I'm-your-Master-so-listen-to-me voice. In return, however Qui-Gon got a sound that he was fairly sure was meant to be a laugh.

"Help me? Why would you want to do that? You don't even like me" he said before quietly adding "You don't care about me" Those words froze Qui-Gon where he stood. He just stared and the back of Obi-Wan's head. A lump forming in his throat, his chest tightening, his panic starting to rise. "Is that really what he thinks?" he asked himself. "Obi-Wan please turn around" he pleaded. For the first time in a while he let his emotions flow into his voice. He wasn't sure whether Obi-Wan had noticed.

Obi-Wan slowly stood up. Swaying slightly, he started to turn around. Qui-Gon wasn't ready for the sight that he saw. Obi-Wan's deathly pale face was stained with tear tracks that glistened in the sunlight. Qui-Gon's alarmed stare was torn from the boy's face as he caught sight of his sleeves.

The beige sleeves of Obi-Wan's tunic were stained a deep crimson. Qui-Gon watched in horror as blood slowly trickled down his small pale hands and formed a red pool on the grey floor. "What have you done?" Qui-Gon breathed in horror.

"I…" Obi-Wan wavered and fell to one side. Alarmed Qui-Gon lurched forward and caught the small boy before he hit the ground. Kneeling on the floor he held the shaking boy in his arms. He pulled one of his sleeves up to reveal a deep cut across his wrist. "What have you done?" Qui-Gon then glanced at his own hand. It had Obi-Wan's blood on it. "No, I won't have his blood on my hands!" he told himself. Snapping out of the trance his shock had put him in, he picked Obi-Wan up and started running towards to door to the stairs. "Just hold on Obi-Wan" Qui-Gon whispered.

Securely holding him in his arms, Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan trembling, he was crying. "Please. Let me die. I don't want to live like this anymore" It was barely a whisper but Qui-Gon heard every word echo through his head. Like this? What had he done?

They reached the bottom of the stairs, just a few more minutes and they would be in the healer's wing… Qui-Gon tried to ignore Obi-Wan's constant repeat of the sentence as he ran as fast as he could down the empty hallway. His heart pounding and his lungs burning, telling him to stop but he wouldn't. He couldn't.

"Nearly there"

And then… It felt like the entire galaxy had gone silent. The air around him became thick and heavy. Qui-Gon immediately stopped in his tracks and fell to his knees. He had felt Obi-Wan's lifeforce slip away and it scorched his very soul. It was like time had stood still. His eyes filled with tears and he just let them fall as he pulled the lifeless body in his arms closer to his chest. Slowly rocking back and forth he whispered words he knew were too late "I'm sorry Obi-Wan. Forgive me… please forgive me"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Qui-Gon woke up, lying in his bed, wondering how he had got there. Usually he would get up before he had a chance to fall asleep again. But today, he just lay there staring at the ceiling. He felt the ghost of his sorrow float over him. He was surprised that it didn't feel worse. It felt as though it had all happened a long time ago, but he knew it had happened yesterday. Reluctantly he sat up. All he wanted was to lie there and melt away but he knew, if he were to stop for one second, the pain of it would hit him again, and he didn't want to let that happen. He couldn't.

He got to his feet and didn't bother changing out of his sleepwear before stepping out into the living room. He expected the apartment he shared…, used to share with his Padawan to feel empty and cold, he expected to feel that sorrow and pain again. But it didn't. It felt warm and inviting, he could see the first rays of sunlight seeping through the windows, filling the room in warm light. It looked just like it had before, like nothing had happened…

Before he knew what he was doing, Qui-Gon quietly called out Obi-Wan's name. It echoed through the silence. He didn't get a reply but he wasn't expecting one. Or was he? He had a strange feeling. He couldn't explain it but some part of him was still waiting for Obi-Wan's reply.

Unexpectedly he heard a noise coming from Obi-Wan's room. Curiously he turned to face his Padawan's door. He held his breath staring at it.

And then it opened and the young boy hurried out stopping two paces in front of his Master. "I'm sorry Master, I didn't mean to oversleep" His gaze was fixed on the floor so he didn't see his Master's shocked, confused and astonished face.

Qui-Gon's head was spinning. He couldn't think straight. The sight of his Padawan froze him where he stood. He didn't even hear what he had said. He just stared at the boy in disbelief. Was this real? It couldn't be. Obi-Wan had died in his arms, hadn't he? He could still see the pale young boy standing in front of him, resignation and pain in his eyes, blood covering his sleeves and slowly dripping to the floor. He still felt that blood on his hands. He felt the tears that had flown down his face for hours. But at the same time, he couldn't. It was like those memories were there for him to see but he couldn't grasp them.

Had it all been a dream? It couldn't have been, it felt so real. Was it maybe a vision? He quickly dismissed that thought. He didn't get visions. So, then it must have been a dream. Or was his mind playing a cruel trick on him? "That's it" he thought to himself "it's just a hallucination". Qui-Gon wasn't entirely convinced but he didn't know what else to think… It was like yesterday had never happened…

It had been over a minute since Obi-Wan had apologized for oversleeping. He didn't know how it could've happened. "Typical" he thought to himself with a sigh. He just couldn't do anything right. He had already annoyed his Master last night by disturbing him whilst he was clearly busy thinking about today's council meeting and now he had overslept. He stood there in shame as he waited to be scolded. But Qui-Gon didn't say anything. The apartment was completely silent. Was Qui-Gon even still standing there? He slowly looked up to make sure he wasn't waiting for an empty apartment to say something.

He wasn't prepared for what he saw. The sight staggered him. His Master stood in front of him as if frozen. He was barefoot and still wearing his sleepwear. His long brown hair wasn't elegantly tied back as usual but instead flew freely and looked slightly messy. Then Obi-Wan's eyes rested on his Master's face. His face was pale and he was looking at Obi-Wan as if seeing a ghost.

"Master?" Obi-Wan cautiously asked, his eyes filled with surprise and confusion, but his voice laced with concern "Are you alright? Should I call a healer?"

Obi-Wan's voice pulled Qui-Gon out of his thoughts, but he still only managed to stare at the boy. He looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He was small for his age, he observed. That combined with his soft features made him look younger than he was. He looked like a child, "he is a child" he remarked. He looked at his Padawan's clothes, he had gotten dressed in a hurry, or maybe he had slept in those clothes. Qui-Gon frowned and turned his attention to the boy's face and saw that he had small rings under his eyes.

Obi-Wan was quite a handsome young boy, Qui-Gon noted. His hair was short and spiky and there was a hint of red in his brown hair that Qui-Gon had never noticed before. He unexpectedly found himself staring into grey eyes that in turn were staring back into his with concern.

Cautiously Qui-Gon stepped towards his Padawan, who had to tilt his head back to keep eye contact with his very tall Master. Qui-Gon expected Obi-Wan to back away. But he didn't, he just looked up at him trying to figure out what was going on. Now that Obi-Wan was at arm's length Qui-Gon hesitantly reached out to lay his hand on the boy's shoulder. He was half expecting his hand to go straight through him, but it didn't.

Confused even more by his Master's action, Obi-Wan broke eye contact and just stared at the big, strong hand resting on his shoulder. Missing the sigh of relief from his Master Obi-Wan turned his attention back to him ready to ask what was going on. To his complete surprise he was abruptly pulled into a tight embrace. He froze, he had no idea what to do, he barely dared to breathe. "What in the name of the Force is going on?" He asked himself, still in shock.

Obi-Wan relaxed slightly in his Master's tight embrace, he could hear Qui-Gon's heart steadily beating. There was something calming about it. He frowned, he could've sworn that he just felt a drop land on his head. With a start, he realised that Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn was… crying.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened in shock. "What do I do now?" He asked himself. Something had happened, something bad, he could feel it. It's the only way he could explain his Master's behaviour. But what? And how could he have missed it? Obi-Wan felt awful, his Master had clearly been through something terrible and he, Qui-Gon's Padawan, hadn't even noticed. He had been too preoccupied with his own pathetic problems.

Not knowing what else to do, he started hugging his Master back, and he tried sending soothing waves through the Force. Why him though? He couldn't help wondering. Qui-Gon had never shown him any kind of affection before and he was pretty sure that Qui-Gon disliked him. So why come to him for comfort? Maybe it was just convenience? But here they were, so being a good Padawan, Obi-Wan did his best to comfort his Master.

Qui-Gon didn't know what came over him, he had just grabbed the confused boy and pulled him as close to himself as he could. As if someone was going to try and take him away again. But nothing happened. "It was just a dream, it was just a dream. Obi-Wan is fine" he reassured himself. He felt an overwhelming joy holding his Padawan. He thought that was something he could never do again. His dream had felt so real that he had believed it.

He couldn't and didn't want to stop the tears in his eyes from falling. He knew that he shouldn't let his emotions control him like this but right now he didn't care. All that mattered was that he had his Padawan back.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Qui-Gon managed to compose himself and slowly started to let go of Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan just looked at his Master. He now had that calm and composed façade back, that Obi-Wan had become so used to seeing. But Obi-Wan still felt on edge. He just couldn't seem to get the confused and slightly concerned look of his face.

"Forgive me Obi-Wan" Qui-Gon said with a slight smile "I didn't mean to confuse you" he added, although he wanted to say, "I didn't mean to hurt you". No matter how hard he tried to push it aside, he couldn't get rid of the images of Obi-Wan from his dream or better: Nightmare.

Obi-Wan blinked a few times. Had he just apologised? For confusing him? "Are you sure you don't want me to get someone? A healer, Master Windu… anyone?"

The sight of his Padawan as he said those words let a quiet laugh escape Qui-Gon's lips before he could stop it. "No, that won't be necessary, Padawan"

"Was that a laugh? That was a laugh. Oh Force, he's lost his mind" Obi-Wan thought to himself baffled.

"I'm fine Obi-Wan. I just need to meditate on something" Qui-Gon assured his Padawan, who didn't seem quite convinced. Qui-Gon started to wonder whether Obi-Wan's face was stuck in that confused expression. "besides, don't you have classes?"

Obi-Wan's eyes widened in shock as he saw what time it was. "Dammit" he whispered, quickly grabbing his data pad he started running towards the door. Qui-Gon just watched slightly bemused. However, Obi-Wan stopped before exiting the apartment and turned to face his Master. After carefully studying him one last time he ran out the door towards the class he was meant to be in.

Qui-Gon just stood starring at the door for a while. Obi-Wan was so surprised to see him laugh. Had he never laughed around him before? And now that he thought about it, he didn't even know what Obi-Wan's laugh sounded like. Maybe he was a bit too distant. But he wasn't too harsh on the boy, was he? He wouldn't actually… Obi-Wan knows that he cares, doesn't he?

Qui-Gon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really need to meditate on this" he said to himself.

He called the council to cancel the meeting he had with them, which with everything that was happening he almost forgot about. They weren't happy about it, but when were they ever when it came to him? He thought with a smirk. He then got dressed before settling into the meditation pose.

Obi-Wan arrived at his class almost 10 minutes late. He was relieved when he was merely reminded how important it is to be on time, and warned not to let it happen again.

He found it very difficult to concentrate on the class though. His mind kept drifting back to his Master. What could possibly have happened to make him act so strangely? Obi-Wan was really glad that he had had a reason to leave when he did. His face still hurt from the constant look of confusion. Who knows what Qui-Gon would've done next. On the one hand, this new side of Qui-Gon was completely freaking him out. But on the other hand, it felt good being so close to Qui-Gon for once. Seeing his Master genuinely smile at him and even laugh made him happy. He even somewhat enjoyed the awkward hug. Not that he wanted to make a habit out of it.

It just felt good to feel like his Master cared. Maybe he wasn't such a failure and disappointment after all? Could it be that Qui-Gon actually does like him?

Obi-Wan shook those thoughts from his head. First, he would worry about whatever was causing his Master's strange behaviour and then he would worry about what it all meant.

Qui-Gon spend what must have been hours sifting through every detail of his dream he could remember. He should've know that it was a dream. The council had agreed with him for Force's sake. "If that isn't proof enough, I don't know what is" he thought.

The more he thought about it the more certain he became that there was more to his dream. If it had just been a dream it wouldn't've felt so real. So that means there must've been some truth to it. Qui-Gon shuddered at the thought. He would know if Obi-Wan were having thoughts like that, wouldn't he?

And then he heard it. The one sentence that had caused it all. He hadn't even realised it at the time. Obi-Wan must have let it slip through the bond by accident. It wasn't until he had gone to sleep that his mind had comprehended it. "Maybe it would be better if I just died" It was Obi-Wan's voice. He was crying.

Qui-Gon had never realised how insecure and unhappy Obi-Wan was. Now that he thought about it, there were signs that he should've seen. But why didn't he ever say anything?

He opened his eyes and blinked a few times so they could adjust to the light. So that was it. That terrible nightmare was his mind processing that one sentence Obi-Wan said, combined with everything he was feeling that Qui-Gon had been too distracted to notice. Maybe the Force was trying to tell him to pay more attention.

Qui-Gon sighed. "Obi-Wan needs to trust me, needs to know that I'm here, that I care." "But maybe it's too late. Remember how he reacted before." "He was confused before, he thinks that I've lost my mind or something. He knew that something was wrong." "Why does he know when there's something wrong with me, but I never noticed that there was something wrong with him?" "Maybe there is something wrong with me, I'm talking to myself"

Qui-Gon dropped his face into his hands. "I can't do the father/son thing again. I care about him, I really do. I'm just not ready for that... At least not yet."

Qui-Gon looked up "But that's not what he's asking for" he suddenly realised. "He just wants to know that this is where he belongs. He wants to know that he's good enough to be a Jedi" He smiled "I can do that."


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

Obi-Wan's last class before lunch was 'saber practice with Master Shian. It was also his last class of the day. He had some free time this afternoon. As usual he was planning on going to the library to study although he decided to check on his Master after class, just to make sure that he really was okay.

So, after class Obi-Wan made his way back to the apartment he shared with his Master. When the door opened he was glad to see Qui-Gon in his usual spot on the sofa sipping a cup of tea. He looked much better than before Obi-Wan was happy to see. He breathed a sigh of relief. At that Qui-Gon finally looked up. "In or out Padawan?" Obi-Wan blinked in surprise "excuse me?" Qui-Gon chuckled, and then Obi-Wan realised that he was still standing in the doorway. He took a step in and the door closed behind him.

"What are you doing here? Don't you usually have lunch with your friends?" Qui-Gon asked. Obi-Wan shifted nervously "Yes. I'm meeting them in a minute. I just… I wanted to see whether you were… okay." Qui-Gon looked a bit taken aback but smiled reassuringly "I thank you for your concern. But I'm fine." Obi-Wan returned the smile "Oh. Good, I'm glad. In that case…" Qui-Gon placed his cup on the small table next to the sofa and stood up. "Actually, I'm glad you're here" Obi-Wan swallowed hard, but Qui-Gon continued. "I noticed that you have some free time this afternoon." Obi-Wan nodded, still trying to figure out where this was going. "Would you like to join me for a sparring match?"

"A sparring match?" Obi-Wan echoed. Qui-Gon nodded and folded his arms across his chest. "Master Shian speaks very highly of you. He said you have improved considerably since we last trained together. If that's true, you can count me impressed." Obi-Wan couldn't think of what to say, his Master had caught him completely off guard with that… compliment?

Qui-Gon took his Padawan's silence as a "yes". "I'll see you in an hour then?" he patted Obi-Wan lightly on the shoulder and with that he walked past his Padawan and left the apartment, leaving him standing there on his own. Slowly a smile started to stretch across his face. "Impressed".

. . .

A/N: Hi, I've reached the end of my very first fanfiction ever! So, I really hope you liked it. This story is fairly short and the ending is left open, I apologise, but I imagine Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's relationship improving a lot from this point on. I'm currently working on another Obi-Wan story which will be a lot longer, so look out for it ;)  
I'd like to thank everyone who read this story and everyone who favorited it/ left a review. I really appreciate it!


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